Thursday, April 24

Don't Count Your Eggs..

Well, we made it. The children were amazing in the car, but my little one wouldn't let me put her down the entire time we were gone. So, needless to say, it was not a 'vacation' by the essence of the word, but it was a good time and the kids enjoyed seeing their grandpa.
Before I left with the kids, as a family we walked our field and cleaned out the bird boxes. So many treasures and also pain. We found a wasps nest, an unhatched sparrows egg. A dead sparrow. New, probably arrived alittle too early this spring and froze. In the blue bird's box we found two tiny pale blue eggs, one intact unhatched, and the other broken, but not a successful fertilization. Now I know where the phrase 'Don't count your chickens before they hatch.' comes from.

Yesterday morning, before the house was up, I received a phone call that one of my classmates from high school had passed away suddenly. The phone rang for quite awhile and there was a lot of hashing through old memories and many ghosts came flying from the closets. My mother came over and I went to a funeral for a 33 year old woman. Probably the saddest funeral I have been too, as it didn't make much sense and there was no relief in sight for the family. I left quickly, not wanted to go back to that place of adolescence. It was not an overly happy time in my life and I'm trying very hard to make the shift of mind to the 'now' and to the 'tomorrow'.

I have lost some very good friends and have found others. I have also lost some not so good friends and found people to replace those as well. When I left the funeral, it was OK. It is hard to explain, but I was OK. I am happy with my life and where it is at. I am at peace with my family, those close to me and there are no regrets. I saw a lot of regrets yesterday. That was probably the hardest part for most, they weren't as sad about the passing of a friend, but were angry at themselves for all the 'should have's' and 'if only's'. To this point in my life, I can honestly say that the decisions I have made have been the right ones and I am at peace. Do you have any regrets? Any unspoken words of love, pain or angst? Any unreturned phone calls? Speak them now, for you never know which eggs aren't going to hatch in the morning..

So, this post isn't about my vacation, although my few days away helped my hubby and I see each other through new eyes. It was about death and a rebirth. The rebirth of my confidence. My understanding and comprehension that, in the words of Martha, my life is a 'good thing'.


Three Catanzaros said...

Hey Abbie:) I'm glad your "vaca" was good. I really like this post. I'm glad you're happy where you're at and that means being a part of our family:) Know that the little people in Utah love you:) Can't wait to see you guys!

JeannieTheDreamer said...

Oh Abbie.. thank you so much for sharing. In a world with lots of negativity it is heartwarming to see and hear good things.

It is hard for me to say I am content right now - I pray for that to come. I hope that someday, seeing my family will be easier, and more frequent. I will try harder to be 100% at peace with my present though, no matter what. God is good, all the time.

P.S. I love the music.

Rosie's Whimsy said...

Dear little Abbie, I am so sorry for the loss of your young friend. You are right......we never know when our moment might come and we should not let a "I should have" linger long.

I am so very content in my life, too. It wasn't always that way but it has been for a very long time. Today being outside in the sunshine.....listening to the birds and doing is physical got to be what heaven is like.

((hugs)) Rosie

Paula Bauer said...

thank you for a very thought-provoking post. Regrets can be a canker on the soul - eating away at peace and contentment.

I'm glad to hear, after your earlier episode of questioning where you were at and your directions and goals, that you have gained this sense of contentment without regrets.
I am sorry to hear of the loss of your friend, but am glad for what it revealed to you.

Welcome home!

Mary said...

Oh Abbie, I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. Glad, though, that it has brought you to a better understanding of your own journey. What a terrific post. I'm sure it has made all who read it think a little harder...

I wanted to let you know that I received your gift -- thank you SO much! You really made my day!

In the middle of cleaning daughter's room -- it's going to be a three-day affair. Gotta go...

Anonymous said...

So sorry for your loss.
Thanks for the wonderful post.

Rhondamum said...

I am glad you had a good visit, but also sorry to hear that it had a sad turn.

I agree with Paula, and am glad to hear that you are content after your struggles of the past. I am happy to hear that you are at peace because I know what a wonderful friend, mother, wife, daughter, sister and so much more you are. It is important that you, especially know that.

Thank you for the thought provoking post. Relax and take time for you!


Angie(quillysilly) said...

What an very enlightening post Abbie... and so very true. As a person who has lived through a great loss of my own, I agree that we should each live to have no regrets. We aren't promised a tomorrow, and you certainly can't go back and change the past. So all you can do is live for today. In our house, we now NEVER go to bed without showing the love! Take the time and make a way...I will be looking forward to more posts about your vacation! Have a great night...Angie

Suzanne said...

It is a good thing Abbie, and sometimes we need to take a step back just to realize how lucky we really are.

Nothing puts things into perspective as the spectre of death. I'm sorry that your time away wasn't exactly a vacation but maybe you can carve out some time for yourself....once a month?

I can remember when my children were small it was common to feel my identity slipping away. I wanted to be more than someone's wife and someone's mommy. I would need to remind people that I had a name, that I was not just "Evan's mom".

I gotta quit now, because I could write a book on this subject alone. HA. Hugs to you.

- Suzanne, the Farmer's Wife

Lynne Laura said...


I really enjoyed your heartfelt post today. I was sorry for the birds that didn't make it and for those who had regrets...

Kindredly, Lynne Laura

Vee ~ A Haven for Vee said...

Oh what deep thoughts today...

Just wanted to welcome you home, Abbie! Glad that the children did so well on the journey.

I'm sorry for the loss of an old friend. Thirty-three...way too young.

cindy said...

beautiful post.


Miss Sandy said...

What a thought provoking and lovely post. I am glad your trip went well.

Anke said...

Hi Abbie, glad to hear your back save and you had a good time even it was not really a relaxing vacation. I think with little ones around 1/2 it's always hard to get a vacation as a mom.
Sorry to hear about the friend from highschool who passed, that's always scary, to loose somebody and especially somebody in the same age.....makes you think how sudden life can ends....even you don't want to think about it.
PS: It's a big plus when you know you made the right descisions in life, makes it easier to decide for the future and not being stuck about the past thinking about the what if's.......
Smiles, Anke ;)